As children grow, they gradually take on more responsibility, make more decisions, and learn how to navigate challenges on their own. For parents, stepping back can be difficult, especially when you want to protect your child from disappointment or frustration. But giving children opportunities to try, make mistakes and solve problems is an important part of building independence.
We’re grateful to Prisma Health and Dr. Brittany Peters, MD, psychiatrist, for sharing guidance on how parents can support children as they develop confidence and independence.
Let Kids Try
It can be tempting to step in when your child is struggling, but doing everything for them can make it harder to develop problem-solving skills. Instead, give your child opportunities to work through age-appropriate challenges.
That might mean letting them figure out how to complete a task, make a decision, or navigate a small disappointment. Mistakes and failures are not necessarily setbacks. They can give children valuable experience in figuring out what to do when things don’t go as planned.
Support, Don’t Solve
If your child feels anxious about completing a task, your first instinct may be to make the situation easier. Instead, help them learn how to manage those feelings. Dr. Peters recommends normalizing anxiety rather than criticizing it. Remind your child that it’s normal to feel nervous when trying something new or working hard at something they care about.
Your role isn’t to eliminate every uncomfortable feeling. It’s to help your child develop the skills and confidence to handle those feelings.
Increase Independence Gradually
Independence looks different at every age, and children develop at different rates. Before giving your child more responsibility, consider whether they can make safe decisions, respond appropriately when something unexpected happens, and manage responsibilities in supervised settings.
Start small and gradually increase their independence. Whether it’s completing a household task on their own, spending a short amount of time without you nearby or making decisions about their day, small opportunities can help children build confidence.
Set Boundaries Around Technology
Phones and social media can also be part of growing independence. If you decide your child is ready for a device, remember that access comes with responsibility. Set clear expectations about when and how the device can be used, talk regularly about boundaries, and follow up when those expectations aren’t met.
As children grow, the goal isn’t to remove every obstacle from their path. It’s to give them the tools, support, and confidence to navigate those obstacles themselves.
At TCMU, we believe children are capable of problem-solvers. Through play, exploration and everyday experiences, children have opportunities to make choices, try new things, and discover what they can do.
Content adapted and shared with permission from Prisma Health and Dr. Brittany Peters, MD. Original article: “How to help your child be more independent,” published July 30, 2024.
